Unbearable
by Zenestra
Summary: When Elliot's son is accused of being a rapist by his daughter, Elliot must cope with the outcome with the help of a friend. Oneshot, set sometime after my 'Secrets' story. El/Kathy, NOT EO


Elliot and Kathy are still together and they don't split up in this story. I like Elliot/Kathy and I like his kids, though I'm rather mean to them in this fic. To those who didn't read my previous story 'Secrets', the information you need to know so this whole oneshot will make sense is that Casey was molested by her older brother Mark when she was fifteen. There. You're caught up. Now, enjoy. As always, dedicated to victims of both physical and sexual assault, that they may recover and learn to live again.

"You're a lot braver than I was, Kathleen," Casey said softly, struggling against her own tears as the young teenager shook her head, her eyes glued to the floor.

"The fuck I am," Kathleen grumbled. "I should of said something before. But I didn't. Ms. Novak, I-"

"Casey," she corrected. "Call me Casey and, Kathleen, you can't live in the past."

The blonde just shook her head, rubbing the heel of her hand roughly against her cheek as tears glimmered in her eyes.

Casey sighed, leaning back in her desk chair and closing her eyes for a second. This had all started last week when a teenager came into the precinct to report a rape.

Her rapist?

Dickie Stabler.

Thankfully, Elliot hadn't been in the squad room to hear it. Cragen had assigned the case to Munch and Fin, telling them to keep it under the wraps, then called Olivia, who was in the field with Elliot. He'd told her what was going on and asked her to keep the truth from Elliot for as long as possible…

_One week previously_

Casey walked down the deserted school hallway, clasping her ADA badge tightly in her sweaty hand. Cragen had called both her and Huang about half an hour ago, explaining that Elliot's son was being accused of rape. According to him, they had gotten DNA off the rape kit and there were several faint bruises on the victim, but if Dickie somehow managed to get a good lawyer, they wouldn't be able to prove it wasn't consensual. So Cragen wanted to see what Stabler's other kids had to say about Dickie- was he ever violent, had he ever hurt them or threatened to hurt the, was he rough with his girlfriends… and if he had ever touched his sisters. He'd called Huang because, simply put, he was a psychologist and worked with child victims. He explained to Casey that he was calling her because he hoped that she would be suited for an interview with a child incest victim. That she could recognize the signs and convince the victim to come forward.

He had also told her that she didn't have to do this if she didn't feel comfortable with it, but Casey had assured him she had.

She was still so nervous she couldn't stop herself from shaking as she stepped into Kathleen's classroom, trying to put on the cop bravado she'd seen Elliot and Olivia show whenever she went along with them when they arrested somebody. "Excuse me, I need to talk with Kathleen Stabler," she announced, swallowing back her anxiety as she looked around for Elliot's daughter. When she found her, Casey looked directly at her and flinched when she saw Kathleen straighten up in both surprise and defiance.

God, that's what she had been like after Mark molested her. Was Kathleen a victim, just like she had been?

But… she _knew_ Dickie. She knew him and he was nothing like any of the sick bastards she prosecuted. Then again, Mark wasn't either, not until you managed to draw out the creature underneath all of his sweet facades.

"It's urgent," Casey said when Kathleen didn't get up.

The teacher started to interrupt, gesturing for Kathleen to stay where she was. "Excuse me, you can't just go barging into a classroom and take a teenager out. Who are you and what-"

Still without looking away from Kathleen, Casey snapped, "I'm Assistant District Attorney Casey Novak and I need to speak with Detective Stabler's daughter. Kathleen, please… it's about your brother."

Casey watched carefully as a thousand and one emotions flashed across Kathleen's face before she finally settled on worry. She immediately got to her feet and hurried to the front of the classroom, blue eyes clouded with fear. Resting a hand on Kathleen's back, she led the sixteen year old outside, trying to stop shaking. Once away from the classroom, Casey took a deep, shuddering breath before turning to Kathleen, who's face was pale as death.

"Ms. Novak, what's wrong with my brother? Is he okay, or-"

"He's fine, Kathleen. That's not why I'm here… look, I'm going to drive you down to the precinct so we can talk privately. This may take awhile and besides, this isn't really the kind of conversation we should have here."

"Wait- the precinct? But I didn't do anything! Is Dad there? Is that why-"

"No, Kathleen, it's nothing like that," Casey said softly. "This has nothing to do with your father and your not being accused of anything. However, the squad is dealing with a rather sensitive case right now and we've got to be sure we've got a really good case against our rapist before I file an indictment."

Kathleen frowned, looking up at Casey worriedly as the ADA led her to the front doors of the school. "Then how is my brother involved? And I need to call Mom, she was supposed to be my ride home and-"

"You can't call her," Casey said quickly. "I'm sorry, it's just… this case _can't _get out into we've arrested this guy. I'll call Kathy when we get to the precinct and explain the situation to her- Lizzie and Maureen will be there, too. After we talk to you guys privately you'll be able to see your mother and your siblings. Trust me, none of you are in any trouble but I can't answer your questions right now… I'm really sorry, Kathleen."

Casey watched sadly as the shorter blonde just shook her head angrily and crossed her arms. Either she was just being a teenager or she was angry that was being treated like a kid when she had been through something must adults couldn't even imagine… Casey prayed that she was wrong and just being paranoid.

She'd known Kathleen for years and didn't know how she'd deal with it if it turned out that Kathleen had been abused. God, she should of recognized the signs, or seem something in Dickie…

No. Right now, she was just overreacting, and if she ended up being right- though she prayed she wasn't- Elliot and Kathleen and the case were her priority. Not her own feelings. Those could be dealt with afterwards.

~At the precinct~

Cragen nodded at her as Casey walked towards the interview room, a soda can in one hand, a coffee cup in the other. She nodded back and took a steadying breath before stepping inside the room, where Kathleen was pacing back forth nervously and wringing her hands back and forth. "What's going on?" she demanded the second Casey stepped in the room.

"Well, now I'm actually going to tell you and stop avoiding the subject. Sorry about all the cloak and dagger stuff; we really do have be careful handling this case… why don't you sit down." Casey offered Kathleen the soda and the child hesitated before accepting it and sitting slowly down at the table. Casey sat down opposite her, closed her eyes for a second, then said quietly, "Kathleen, what I'm about to tell you is going to be very hard for you to hear. It's about your brother. Several hours ago, a seventeen year old came into the squad room to report a rape. You may know her- Isabel Grande?"

Kathleen's eyes widened and her hand flew to her mouth, the little color that was left in her face draining away. "Oh, god. Isabel. She's my friend. I know her! Is she hurt? Do you know who did this to her?"

Casey nodded. "Well, she's okay- physically, of course- and we do know who it was… that's actually why I wanted to talk to you. Kathleen, Isabel has accused Dickie of raping her."

Kathleen's face went from white to green, and her blue eyes turned glassy as she got to her feet, stumbling back a few steps before turning and rushing from the room. Casey jumped upright and hurried after her to find Kathleen vomitting into a trash can.

Oh, no. If Kathleen hadn't been hurt by her brother, she would of reacted with anger, fury- instead, she had gotten sick and scared, which looked a hell of a lot to Casey like guilt.

She nodded to Cragen across the room, pain and sadness in her eyes, trying to tell him without words that Dickie probably had more than one victim.

When she was done, Casey said quietly, "Kathleen, it's okay. Come on. Let's go back inside, all right?"

Kathleen nodded tremulously, allowing Casey to lead her back into the interview room. "Ms. Novak," she gasped. "Ms. Novak, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"No, don't say that you're sorry, Kathleen. I just need to ask you a couple questions about Dickie." Casey watched carefully as Kathleen stiffened, her blue eyes swimming with tears before she nodded quickly.

"Of course. Of course, I understand, I…"

Casey frowned, watching as the unearthly pain in Kathleen's eyes hardened into a fierce anger, and suddenly she was shaking, her hands forming tight fists before she slammed her hands down on the table and shook her head fiercely. "No!" she shouted, drawing away from Casey and getting to her feet, pounding her hand against the wall. "_No! _I'm not going to lie anymore! Dickie is not the perfect god everyone thinks he is! He's not some fucking angel that can do no wrong! He hurt that girl; he hurt my friend!"

Casey got to her feet as well, backing away from her slightly and nodding. "He did; he hurt Isabel. Did he hurt you? De he touch you?"

Kathleen's furious eyes widened and she backed away, shaking her head again. "No! No, don't talk to me like that! I'm not one of your victims; I'm not one of Daddy's broken, traumatized children he talks about to Mom when he thinks I'm not listening! I'm a woman, god damn it, don't treat me like I'm a little girl! Don't look me like that!"

"Kathleen-"

"No! Shut up! Just shut up!" Kathleen screamed, pushing Casey away from her. "Don't talk to me like I'm a victim! I can handle myself; I can handle Dickie, I… Isabel." Kathleen's outburst was over as soon as it started and the blonde swallowed so hard she shook, tears shining in her eyes. "No, no, no. No, no. This can't be happening. No. It's not happening, not to her. Not to Isabel! I tried to make sure this wouldn't happen, I…"

Casey watched Kathleen closely as something shifted in her eyes, and the shorter woman trembled as she gasped, "No, no, Dickie. Not again. Please, god. Not again."

Casey was able to recognize a flashback when she saw one and she forced back her own emotions, walking forward Kathleen and opening her mouth before realizing she didn't have any idea what to say.

She could deal with her _own_ flashbacks. But no one had ever helped her deal with them and she didn't know how to help someone else deal with them.

In the end, she ended up just trying to tell Kathleen what she had told herself whenever she had a flashback. "Kathleen, Kathleen, look at me. Look at me and focus. Dickie's not here and I need you to focus on me right now. Breathe. Breathe." Holding back her own tears, Casey grabbed one of Kathleen's shaking hands and said, "Kathleen focus on my hand, focus on it and breathe. Dickie's not here and he can't hurt you."

The moment of panic passed and Kathleen slumped back against the wall, closing her eyes and resting a hand over her pounding heart. "I'm sorry, Ms. Novak," she said after a moment. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize, Kathleen," Casey murmured with a smile. "I just need to ask you a few more questions, and then I can let you go, all right?" When Kathleen nodded, Casey smiled encouragingly at her and said, "Good. Now, do you know if Dickie ever hurt Maureen or Lizzie?"

Kathleen closed her eyes and shook her head. "I don't know, I'm sorry. After he r- raped me- well, that was when I started showing symptoms of Bipolar Disorder. I told my therapist and he said that Dickie's attack probably set it off and told me to report it, but he couldn't say anything because of doctor patient confidentiality and I didn't want to report it. I stayed silent. And you were there, Ms. Novak- I was in the hospital for a few days and in jail after that; I don't know if Dickie hurt my sisters then. But after I got home, I tired to keep them safe from him, but I… it may not have worked. I'm so sorry, but you should probably ask them too."

Casey nodded sympathetically. "Some detectives are already talking to them right now. Don't worry, Kathleen. I'm going to prosecute Dickie. I'll try him as an adult and he'll be in jail for a long time; I promise. And then afterwards he'll be listed as a sex offender. I promise."

Kathleen closed her eyes and shook her head as she walked towards the door. "Please, Ms. Novak, don't make promises you can't keep. My dad talks all the time about people who get off on legal technicalities. I don't want you to make promises that you can't keep. Just give it to me straight- how good are your chances of throwing that son of a bitch in prison?"

Casey looked at her sadly and knew she couldn't lie, nor did she want to. "I don't have a statistic for you, Kathleen. But I'm going to try as hard as I can to get him away from you."

Kathleen just shook her head weakly as she left the interview room, and Casey saw her freeze in the doorway. "Dad?" she gasped, and Casey immediately hurried to her side to see Elliot standing in the squad room, staring at Kathleen in shock.

"Kathleen? Kath, what are you doing down here? Shouldn't you be in school?"

Kathleen looked back at Casey and hung her head, crossing her arms. "Um… hi, Dad."

Casey intervened before Elliot could start questioning his daughter and said quickly, "El, can I talk to you for a second. It's important."

He shook his head without looking at her, still focused on Kathleen. "Later, Casey. Kathleen-"

"Elliot! I need to talk to you right now. It's about Kathleen and why she's here. Come on. Let Liv take care of Kathleen for a bit," Casey said as Olivia walked over, smiling encouragingly at Kathleen. The teenager took one look at her father before hurrying towards Olivia. Elliot tried to head after her but Casey grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. "El, she doesn't want to see you right now."

"She's my daughter, Casey! I have a right to know if something's wrong with her!"

"I know and I'm going to tell you." Elliot ripped his hand out of her grasp and stood in front of her, clearly very close to racing after Kathleen- this wasn't going to be easy. "Elliot, Kathleen was…" She grimaced, looking away, trying to put off the inevitable. Elliot blanched, clearly fearing the worst- that Kathleen was now one of the victims he worked with every day- and Casey didn't want to confirm his suspicions.

Nevertheless, she had to.

"Elliot, Kathleen was raped… and we know who did it."

He didn't openly react for at least five seconds, and Casey couldn't deny that she was just a little jealous about his passion for his daughter when he finally snapped and pushed her back against the wall, grabbing her wrist hard enough to cause a bruise. "Who?" he growled. "Who hurt her?" His eyes were dark and furious, his hands were shaking, anger barely contained as he struggled not to hit her and, instead, wait until he could murder the person responsible.

Fin put his hand on Elliot's shoulder, trying to pull him back but Elliot shrugged him off, still focused on completely on Casey. She sighed. "Dickie. Your son, Elliot."

The detective froze, eyes widening in shock. He slowly let go of her, then started shaking his head and said in a shaking voice, "No, no, not Dickie. He's not a rapist! She has to be wrong; Dickie couldn't of attacked her. She's bipolar; maybe that's what caused her to think Dickie-"

"Elliot, she's not mistaken. This was before she was diagnosed as bipolar- we only talked to her because someone else from Dickie's school came down here to report a rape. She identified Dickie as her attacker, Elliot."

He started shaking his head again in confusion, frowning. Casey watched his expression carefully, and she found herself comparing him to Mark, trying to gauge whether he would attack her or not for daring to accuse his son of this- she was able to duck a split second before he tried to punch her.

"You're wrong, Casey! You're wrong! My son would never do this!" he shouted as he tried to hit her again, but Fin and Munch stopped him. Elliot stared at her wildly for a second before breaking away from the other detectives' grips and running from the squad room. Cragen gestured for Fin and Munch to follow while Casey slumped back against the wall and closed her eyes.

If any case was going to bring up bad memories for her, it was this one.

_Back to the present_

"Kathleen… I know what you're going through, in more ways than one."

Kathleen looked up at her with those eyes that were exactly like her father's and in them, Casey saw both disbelief, anger, defiance… the same emotions she had once possessed when she was a child just like Kathleen.

"I know that's not what you want to hear when you can't imagine that any of the adults talking to you could possibly have any idea what it's like, but… I do. When I was fifteen, my brother raped me. I didn't even think of reporting it; he's my brother! How could I possibly betray him like that?"

Kathleen nodded slightly, her expression showing both compassion and understanding. "Yeah, Dickie's my brother! My little brother! I'm supposed to protect him; not turn him into the police."

"Exactly," Casey said with a small smile. "And besides, I didn't think anybody would believe me. He was perfect. Everybody loved him. Me, on the other hand… not even close to his status. I had already taken it upon myself to protect everybody else from him and saw no point in reporting it; what if him attacking me was just a one time thing? What if he was never going to hurt anybody ever again and by turning him into the police, I would be ruining his life? And what were my chances in a case against him, anyways?"

"Casey, all you're doing is agreeing with my reasons not to testify."

"Yes, I know, but listen… then he got married, Kathleen. He abused his five year old daughter and his wife. When I found out about the abuse, I felt exactly the same way you do about Isabel's attack. I helped them. He's in jail now, where he can't hurt any innocent victims ever again. I know that you don't want to testify, Kathleen, but it will help so much. It well help the jury see Dickie as something so much worse than just a fourteen year old who made a mistake."

Kathleen sighed. "He's my younger brother, though. I should be stronger than him."

"You may be older than him, but he's taller than you and stronger than you." When the blonde leaned back and shook her head tiredly, Casey forced a smile and got to her feet. "I'm going to let you go on home for tonight. We can keep reviewing your testimony tomorrow."

"Wait, I don't think my parents are here yet-"

"Trust me, I know your father. He's been sitting outside the DA's office this whole time, Kathleen."

Kathleen chuckled as she stood up, zipping up your jacket. "You're probably right."

Casey walked her out, frowning when she saw Kathy waiting in the car outside, without Elliot. "Kathy?" she asked as Kathleen got into the car. "Where's Elliot?"

She shook her head helplessly. "He left. Said he was going to a bar and would be back in time to pick up Kathleen- I would of followed after him, but I didn't want to leave in case Kathleen and you were finished early…"

"Okay, I think I know where is. Let me go after him; I'll send him home soon. And you did great today, Kathleen," Casey said with a wink before turning to walk down the street. There was a bar near here and that was where Elliot always went when he didn't want company.

Sure enough, when Casey walked into the familiar bar about five minutes later, there he was. It was in the middle of the day so the place was mostly deserted, save for a few lonely patrons and Elliot, who was sitting at the end of the bar, staring into his already half-empty glass.

Sighing in relief, Casey walked down to sit next to him, running a hand through her red hair. "A little early for scotch."

"It's a little early for my daughter to know what it's like to be raped. She should never have to know what that's like," Elliot retorted before draining the rest of his glass.

"Elliot, don't-"

"Listen to me," he said softly, furiously. "I've already given up on my son. What kind of a father does that? Hell, I didn't notice when my own daughter was a rape victim… when my own son was a… _rapist._ God, Kathleen must hate me. Dickie, too."

"So what. Who cares if Dickie hates you or not? I know you, Elliot, and Dickie is nothing like you."

"And I raised him to be a rapist."

Casey sighed. "Elliot, you can't 'raise' someone to respect women, to not hurt anyone… to not become a rapist. Look at your other kids. They turned out brilliantly. It was Dickie's choice to hurt his sister, to hurt Isabel, and he chose to hurt them. That's not your fault. And how Dickie feels about you doesn't matter, and Kathleen doesn't hate you. I can promise that."

"Oh really?" Elliot demanded, turning to look at her. "Don't you hate your father for not helping you like I didn't help Kathleen? Don't you hate him?"

"Elliot, please don't bring him into this. He's not relevant-"

"Yes he is! It's the exact same situation!" Elliot exclaimed adamantly before turning back to his drink, a single tear falling onto the bar.

Closing her eyes tightly, Casey forced herself to keep talking. This wasn't about her, this was about Elliot and making him see why Kathleen didn't hate him and why this wasn't his fault. "You want to know the truth, Elliot? Yes, I hate my father. I hate David."

"There. Now do you see why-"

"Now do you want to know why I hate him?" Casey continued, talking over him. She kept speaking without waiting for an answer. "I hate him and I blame him because he actually sat there and _watched_ me get raped. The son of a bitch was able to just sit there and watch impassively as I got beaten and raped. He wasn't there the next morning when I woke up to my rapist sitting beside me. He wasn't there to walk me to the hospital or before, when I told him that I thought Mark had been rough enough that he had dislocated my shoulder or hurt my jaw. He didn't give a damn, Elliot, and that's why I blame him, at least partially, for what happened to me. All he had to do was get up off his lazy ass and walk over to save me, but he didn't care enough to do that. _That _is why I hate him. _That _is why I blame him. But if he had even _tried_ to help me- well, that was all I wanted from him. And you're trying to help Kathleen now. You didn't know about the abuse while it was going on and if you had been there, you wouldn't of let it happen. I wish my father had been more like you, Elliot, because then I know he wouldn't of sat idly by and done nothing.

"Kathleen doesn't hate or blame you, Elliot. You're helping her now and she's going to get better. And as for Dickie, it's not because of how you raised him. Just look at me. I'm not a rapist, but the same man who 'raised' me raised my brother and Mark's a rapist now. It's not your fault, Elliot. And if you don't believe me, ask Kathleen. She's not as fragile as you think. Ask her and she won't lie. She'll tell you what she feels- and right now, you need to go home. Staying here and drinking isn't going to help anything."

With a low groan, Elliot leaned back slightly and allowed Casey to pull him to his feet and lead him towards the door. "I'm worried about her, Case," he confessed. "She gets sick all the time- I talked to Kathy about making taking her to the hospital to get some tests done but Kathleen doesn't want to go and I don't want to make her. She stays up until two in the morning and gets up at six or seven, she doesn't go anywhere anymore or… god, Casey. I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"Well, I obviously can't be certain, El, but I don't think Kathleen's sick. It seems like she is because she feels so guilty about what happened to her friend- I was like that too, once. Before I was attacked, I had never once had a migraine and only got sick with stomach bugs, even, once every two years. Afterwards I threw up whenever he got a new girlfriend because I was so nervous and got migraines every time he came home from college. Trust me, that parts normal. She's probably staying up late because she realized that the less sleep she gets, the less nightmares she has, until they're nonexistent. And it does seem like a fair trade, from her position- but I wouldn't recommend trying to break that habit until after the trial's over."

Casey smiled at Elliot, then shook her head unhappily before continuing, "Don't try to interfere too much. Let her know that you care and that you're there for her, but Kathleen's been dealing with this for months her own way. She won't appreciate you saying that she's doing this or that wrong with her recovery."

When Elliot closed his eyes in pain and let out a low, almost inaudible cry, Casey said softly, "I know that it doesn't seem like it now, Elliot, but Kathleen's going to get better. She's already on her way there and is coping very well. The question is, how will you cope after I've prosecuted your son?"

Elliot smiled weakly at her and shook his head. "I don't know. Kathy doesn't know what do do, either- Lizzie's mad at everybody because she believes Dickie… but I can't really blame her for that. She's his twin. I don't know if she'll ever truly believe what Dickie did. I've gotten calls from their school- Lizzie's gotten in several fights, all with people who crucify Dickie. The guidance councilor called about her and said he's also worried about Maureen- it seems she's now friendless, as everyone abandoned her once they found out about her brother. My family's falling apart because of my own son."

Casey patted him on the shoulder and flagged down a cab for him. "Yeah, it is. And you can help hold it together. Now, go home and be with your family."

Elliot just groaned softly. He couldn't believe this was happening to his family because of his own son. What on earth was he supposed to do? He helped victims short-term, but he had never had to deal with one for months after their attacks. He had no idea how painful it was for them until realizing his own daughter was one- and, what's worse, a colleague had to be the one to tell him what happened to his daughter.

What kind of father was he to not notice when his own daughter was being abused? To abandon his family with his wife while he went out to go drinking? To not notice his own son becoming the on kind of creature on earth he hated more than any other?

He could only hope Casey was right and that this pain would get easier. Because this… this was unbearable


End file.
